Saturday I went downtown and took advantage of my membership to the art museum, and saw the Wyeth exhibit; three generations of artists; each family member having a different style. After the museum I met up with Jean and we had lunch at Wicked Weed. We were just about to leave when our mutual friend, Kip showed up. We all ordered another drink and spent the rest of the afternoon catching up; I didn't get home till 9pm. I know that doesn't ssound like a big deal, but I still struggle with the feeling of, "I shouldn't be out...I'm supposed to be home...is it okay that Im having fun..." Another problem I'm having now, and is always an issue with whoever Im dating, is that I'm not employed, not driven nor do I have ambition. I don't have those things. I did once, and thought they'd return now that Im out of my abusive marriage, but just the opposite has happened. I feel weak, tired and apathetic. I know this is normal for what I lived through; but I feel lazy and boring, and trying to explain it to other people, when I don't totally understand myself is impossible. My fall back is to tell them to watch "Dirty John". That was my life from the age of 18 to 58. I didn't intend for my post to go this way, but it is what I'm struggling with and why it sometimes seems overwhelming to blog.
Lunch with Megan
Giant tomahawk steaks, and classy wine markers.
Dinner out and front porch sake with friends.
Sunday breakfast by Megan.
Six dollar, thrift store shoes.
I danced for an hour in these boots.
The bathroom wall at Izzy's Coffeehouse
A crew from L.A. came to film Victor making cheese, and his cheese cave.
A cloudy Saturday downtown, but sunny smiles with friends.
A visit to my dermatologist, that costs $90 without insurance, is nearly $400 with insurance.
I thought most of my anxiety was gone, then I read this. I tick every box.
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